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Permalink Reply by KDSS on November 11, 2012 at 7:46pm

Hello Tyler,
I was a former Evangelical, charismatic preacher. I know the difficulty that you are feeling. My mother also was very understanding. She is very devote to her beliefs. She understood that I am an atheist.
The bible belt can be very harsh on us atheists. Your father has a very narrow view on things. Religion, as you know, has a way of choking out free thought and thinking outside the box. As for him, talking down about you and that "fail in his eyes",let him, as much as it hurts. I was criticized also and belittled, but I just don't give a f**k what ppl think or what ppl think of me. My family is a bunch of bible thumpers and if they can't accept me for what I am or believe, then they can take a hike. His eyes are blind to hearing that ppl dont believe. Tell him that you still love him and he is entitled to his own views and not to belittle me in front of your siblings and friends. Also tell him to show you some respect. You are not out there being critical of him. We will always love our parents but when they are an ass, sometimes we need to tell them to act like an adult.
Ask him to be apart of your wedding, but also stipulate that any unwelcome comments and criticism will not be tolerated. If he refuses, unfortunately, he is not welcome. I know that is not comforting and I'm sorry.
Do your best to offer an olive branch so to speak but stick to your belief. Sometimes tough love is the only way to get to stubborn friends and relatives. Ppl dont like seeing ppl that theirs minds are free and open. Religious ppl especially extreme right wing bible thumpers, can't look past their own flawed guide book.
Don't feel lost, my friend. You are not alone.

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Permalink Reply by Makiaveli on November 19, 2012 at 8:53am

Sorry to hear about your dad's response. This is pretty much the reason my folks only know that I've "experimented", ie read the Buddhist Catechism etc. This way they think I am merely polluting my mind, not abandoning god. :)

That said, I can offer two pieces of advice. One is to "come to your senses", submit to being paraded in church as the prodigal son and all that. In other words, lie.

Second, simply be yourself. Send your folks an invitation, and if you Dad goes off on a hate-filled rant, simply reply "Ok, so that's a "No" for dad. Mom, what about you?" 

Both options suck in ways. But think on this, do you really want your kids to be raised the same way you were? Do you want them to hear the things you hear? Emotional extortion works because we give in. Your dad probably isn't bluffing, and will likely cut you from his life if you don't "return to the fold". You just have to decide which is worse. Realize though, that if you give in, he will never change. If you stand your ground, he may.

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